Random Random Updates

Just woke up to an all out brawl over who gets to put an angel on the Advent calendar... nothing like a smackdown beside the manger to get you in the mood for Christmas.

I think I can officially say that my status as a flaky blogger is here to stay. I just can't seem to get it together so "say hello to your fickle friend" (in your best Al Pacino voice). We're in the middle of our Christmas concert week so it's super busy at the treehouse this week. A brief and random update:

• The choir musical is Saturday and Sunday with 3 shows in all, so that's 3 opportunities to see me in all my jazz-hand finery. I don't want to give too much away, but there might be a few box steps thrown in too. Who said Baptists don't dance?

• Actually, I'm so thankful for how the Lord has blessed me through the choir that I'm gonna get up there and boogie right out my comfort zone with a big old smile on my face.

• PB is on lighting duty this week which means 8-10 hour preparation every night this week. That's after putting in a full day of work so I'm expecting to have a comatose husband on Monday. The guy who's actually doing the lighting design has worked with David Crowder, Chris Tomlin and Steven Curtis Chapman, but my favorite item on his resume is that he worked on Solid Gold. Man, that makes me want to pull out my sister's gold lame' prom dress and crimp my hair. Doc can't wait to watch his dad's "cool tricks".

• Without the ' lame' is just lame.

• Actually it's lame even with the '.

• We're on a 3 day a week school schedule for the next couple of weeks. Last year I tried taking the month of December off and that was a huge mistake so this year we're just attempting a lighter load so we can still make time for the fun seasonal stuff. Clearly we need to do more work on getting a proper attitude about the Advent.

• There's been a lot of talk about heaven around here following the death of one of the kindest men you'll ever meet. Obi Wanda is convinced we'll be wearing sandals in heaven. The kids were very excited about our new "never get sick or hurt" bodies when Ella explained that the reason we get new bodies is that right now we're in our "disobeyin' bodies". True words, my friends.

• This year I'm working on my "Christmas Shoes" trigger finger. I'm working on changing stations in less than one second.

• All 3 of my favorite teams on the Amazing Race have gone home (I'd tell you who, but PB hasn't seen last week's episode) so Sunday will be about watching everybody come unhinged. I much prefer it when I have a team to root for all the way to the end.

So that's the doings around here. I hope you guys have a great day!

Why didn't I see this coming?

Of course, this was going to come back to bite me.

I turned 35 a few weeks ago which coupled with my American citizenship qualifies me for the worst job in the world.

To celebrate, PB and I took the kids to Disney Hollywood Studios for the day because all I wanted for my birthday was to take Doc for his first ride on the Rockin' Roller Coaster. All due respect to Space Mountain, but Rockin' Roller Coaster is Disney's only legitimate roller coaster. It goes 0 to 60 mph in 2.8 seconds and takes you upside down three times. And, oh yeah, Aerosmith is blasting in your ears during the entire time.

So for my birthday I introduced my son to the roll-over, the corkscrew and Steven Tyler.

Doc and I had a great time getting pumped up for the ride as we waited in line which wasn't hard to do because Aerosmith music was piped in throughout the queue. Since we only play the Star Wars soundtrack or worship music in the van, I was a little concerned about the lyrics Doc might pick up, but honestly, you really need a frame of reference to get the lyrics to "Walk This Way". You'll see in a minute why I'm desperately hoping that's true.

The ride went great. Doc's eyes were as big as baseballs when we shot out of the tunnel and he laughed the entire time. It was truly one of my favorite mom/son moments in our 7 years together.

Here's the two of us rocking out in front of the ride. We went on Halloween which will hopefully explain why Doc is dressed like a pirate. And why my skin looks like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

I'm such a cool mom.

And now let's watch as I go from cool mom to bad influence in 2 seconds flat.

Doc goes to a school for homeschoolers one day a week. The school is very much a Christian School. Very. Conservative. Let me repeat that: Conservative. Christian. School. Got it? In preparation for a special event Doc had to fill out an "All About Me" poster.

Favorite food? Pizza.

Favorite book? Anything about inventions.

Favorite toy? Legos.

Favorite movie? Star Wars (duh)

Favorite TV show? Sid the Science Kid

Favorite song? Walk This Way

I'm sorry, what???

Yes, tomorrow when every other kid shares about his favorite Veggie Tales song my son will be giving a shout-out to Aerosmith.

At least he spelled it correctly.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation, part 1

I thought I would post some items that I would've posted had I not been on a three month hiatus.

A lot of people think PB and I are a good match because we are both so, well, "normal". Disregarding the commentary from the peanut gallery that is my family, those who would judge PB and I by our exterior would take one look at PB's button-down shirts, my mom uniform, both our white cars and my iPod play list and think: white bread.

Ah, but looks are deceiving because the reason PB and I have so much fun together is that we both have a soft spot for people who are a bit left of center. That's why PB was totally on board when I asked if he wanted to take the kids to the 2009 World Yo Yo Championships.

That's right and it was awesome.

I was expecting a fun night and it delivered like Dominos. For starters, when we got to the hotel that was hosting the event, we walked in as an Elvis impersonator was walking out. Apparently the yo yo competition was in the ballroom next door to a celebrity impersonator convention. It was surreal and I was giddy.

I've never been to a yo yo competition before so I didn't know what to expect. What I wasn't expecting was the abundance of hair gel and chains. It was sort of like going to a skate park where the sights and sounds imply chaos but when you take a closer look you can see that there is a quiet etiquette to the whole thing.

I'm posting a video so you can see the guy who won the whole thing and get an idea about what the night was like. (You might want to skip the first minute because it's just warm-up before he really gets going.)

You'll have to conjure up your own image of passing Barbara Streisand and Cher on the way to the parking lot.

Here's a great idea...

...write a blog post about how you hear voices in your head and then go blog silent for about 3 months.

Hello.

I'm back... is anyone still out there? (Hi Joan.)

And now the little cursor is blinking at me like an impatient toe tapping. As if a flood of explanations for my absence are going to roll off my fingertips.

I hear cursors talking in my head.

Let's see. Where have I been for three months? I wish I could give you an amazing story about an exciting adventure or earth shaking project that's kept me away from the computer.

But I can't.

I've just been laying low. Chilling as it were.

I started noticing that things in my life and the life of my family were on the verge of getting out of whack if I didn't get a handle on our schedule. Every year it's the same routine: a little commitment here, another little commitment there and the next thing you know I'm the crazy lady wandering in the grocery store with a mountain of brownie mix boxes muttering about not caring if my family eats croutons for dinner.

Or I just get so overwhelmed that I become withdrawn and depressed. It's not pretty.

So "simplify" became my new motto and one of the first ways I started doing that is by dramatically cutting down on my computer time. And that's been a good thing. I had the occasional guilt trip about not posting on the blog, but I have to stop answering to imaginary people. It's just not healthy.

We also decided to drop Doc's fencing lessons so now we have Monday evenings and Saturday mornings back - Woo Hoo! PB and I knew dropping the lessons were the right thing (did I ever mention he was taking the classes in the first place??), but we were nervous about Doc's reaction. When we told him he just blinked at us, said OK and got back to playing with Obi Wanda.

Overall the break proved successful until a couple of weeks ago when I hit a slump. For me there's a fine line between too much and not enough and I was leaning too far in the direction of not enough contact with the outside world.

I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of girl so God's been working on getting my pendulum to not swing quite so far.

So now I'm back.

And I joined Facebook. But that's another story and I'm not spilling it now because I've got to store up some stories while I get my mojo back.

Voice Lessons

Sometimes I think my brain needs an enema.

I have these ridiculous voices running around my head telling me things that are neither healthy or true. The loudest voice lately has been telling me "you're not doing enough".

I could have a loaf of bread in the oven, a load of laundry in the washing machine and be in the middle of cleaning the kitchen and still hear a voice accusing me of idleness. The other day I was listening to that voice and feeling a wave of defeat as I looked around the house at the endless chores waiting for my attention, but out of nowhere I said out loud, "Aw, just shut up."

What? I've already admitted to hearing voices, so how much worse can it be to admit to talking back?

I'd love to say that my open defiance made all the voices go away and I've been liberated forever from their condemnation, but I can't because they continue to pick at me. I do think, however, that it was a key victory in a battle that will ultimately lead to winning the war.

I've been having more and more of those little victories lately.

For as long as I can remember I've confused making excuses for others and assuming everything is my fault with extending grace and forgiveness. Here's a for instance:

Recently I prayerfully made a decision that required me to step outside of my comfort zone. I was certain that God was telling me to do it so I did it. While I was still wobbling around in this new arena a woman made a remark that knocked me on my fanny and made me question the leading I was once so certain of. It was silly really and I laugh about it now, but in the moment I was crushed. I started to take her comment as an indication that I was wrong in my decision and needed to make a course correction at once. But then I had another one of those little victories because, before I let my brain spiral out of control, the thought occurred to me that hey, I don't think she handled that very well.

What I'm learning through these little victories is that the voices in my head never tell the truth about a situation and God said very clearly Thou Shalt Not Lie. I've always known we're not supposed to lie to God (it's pointless anyway) and we're not to lie to one another, but I'm also learning that we're not supposed to lie to ourselves. When I assume that everything is all my fault every time something goes wrong, then I'm lying to myself and lying about the situation. Not only does that send me off the deep end unnecessarily, but it cuts me off from whatever lesson the Lord wants to teach me.

More than that, it keeps me from obeying the Lord's command to truly forgive and extend real grace.

The unavoidable flip side, of course, is that I'm not allowed to lie and say something isn't my fault when it is. No excuses and no blame shifting.

So lately I've been praying and asking the Lord to help me see things clearly and truthfully. I want to identify those times I'm shackled by condemnation and ask Jesus to set me free. I want to quit being sidetracked by a guilt complex and walk in forgiveness. And I want to be super-sensitive to the Spirit's conviction and rush to repentance.

And I really, really want those voices to take a hike.

And about those voices, I'm not usually one to beg for comments, but anyone who wants to encourage me that I'm not riding first class on the crazy train would be greatly appreciated:)

This is happening much sooner than I had expected

Apparently I'm getting old.

I've had a sinking suspicion ever since PB and I started watching "Dancing with the Stars" this season. After about two weeks of watching it I told PB I wasn't aware that we had turned 70, and yet we kept tuning in.

And then this summer we started watching "The Mentalist". Also, I used to love reading People at my hairdresser's, but now I don't know who half those "people" are anymore.

I think I could have explained those signs away had I not started experiencing hip pain this month. The doctor's official diagnosis? Bursitis. Really? Is that really a thing most 34 year olds get??? I don't think so.

Please, please, please tell me 4:30 dinners and corrective shoes won't be next.

Breaking bad news badly

A couple of weeks ago we were in the car and Doc announced that he had figured out that rainbows don't really exist (which is odd since he's seen them before). When I replied, "Honey, rainbows aren't like unicorns, they're real" Obi Wanda popped up and said frantically, "Unicorns aren't real????"

At least I didn't say Santa Claus.

Since there's no perfect attendance award for homeschoolers anyway...

Our first day of school was supposed to be July 6.

We started on July 14.

Since that date we have spent one week on vacation in South Carolina and a day at Disney World.

But I think I might be able to pass off the day at Disney as an educational outing because Doc Brown learned that:

sweaty tourists with theme park gas + a confined space =

1 very stinky wait for Pirates of the Caribbean

Also, Obi Wanda learned that 94 degrees is the melting point for frozen Mickey's.

Oh, and we're going to the beach on Monday.

Snakes. Again.

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of days. Last week the paper ran a story entitled "What you need to know if you see a Burmese python".

Yes, pray tell, what do I need to know?

"First, Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officials say they have no indication that thousands of the nuisance snakes have migrated north from the Everglades, where tens of thousands of pythons are thought to be thriving."

So glad to hear it's not thousands, but really, one ambitious Burmese python is enough for me. And good luck getting me anywhere near the Everglades now.

Apparently...

"Snakes spotted locally are likely to be pets dumped by owners who can no longer handle the hungry predators. Or ones who have heard all the negative publicity and decided the snakes are passe, experts say."

That's what you get for making pet purchasing decisions based on fads. Next time try the Humane Society. Homeless dogs (and even cats) never go out of style, are grateful and aren't likely to strangle you.

Here's my favorite part:

"On the rare occasion that a homeowner does spot a Burmese python, there are a few options, wildlife officials say.

"They may euthanize it in any way they want, as long as it's legal under local ordinances," wildlife spokesperson Pat Behnke said. "They could use a club and hit it on the head. They could use a machete."

But none of that is meant to say that state wildlife officials recommend exercising the right to dispatch the animal on your own.

"We're not encouraging people to go out and do it, but they have a right to do it, if legal," Behnke said."

Really? If I see a Burmese python, the last thing I'll be thinking about are my rights. I'd like to think I'd have the guts and to go crazy commando on it with a club, but I'm guessing I'd have to stun it with a very shrill scream before chasing it down with my van and leaving a demolition derby scene in my wake.

But I thank you for keeping me informed. Now move on to a new topic, please.

It's time for a new news cycle

I hate snakes. Seriously. With every fiber of my being I despise snakes.

Anytime we take the kids to the zoo PB accompanies the kids to the reptile pavilion while I wait on a bench. Would you like to know how I react when I see those guys who walk around at fairs with snakes draped around their neck? I gasp, I turn and I flee. If I weren't so freaked out I would pause to advise them that if they'd like to walk a pet they should really get a dog instead.

I can't even look at a picture of a snake without freaking out which should make teaching the kids about reptiles interesting. I wonder if "they're disgusting creatures and ridiculous pets" is too short a lesson? If so, I can add a study of "why it's a public service when Mommy runs over them with her minivan". Because I'm all about a thorough education.

The reason for my rant is that many mornings over the past three weeks I have been greeted by pictures of pythons on the front page of the newspaper. Apparently a guy's pet python got loose, crawled into a toddler's crib and killed a poor little girl while she slept. Horrifying. Totally horrifying. And newsworthy. I get that. I know my squeamishness is totally beside the point, but do we really need pictures of snakes on the front page of the newspaper? Above the fold? In color?

Because it's freaking me out.

The tragedy of this little girl's death is forcing local authorities to address our increasing burmese python population. What???? Yes, because apparently people are ordering these snakes over the internet (have they never heard of Netflix??) and after figuring out what an idiotic idea it was they release them into the Everglades (awww). What they don't realize is that those awful things don't stay in the Everglades. They begin to travel NORTH. Which leads me to the picture that greeted me this morning:

The image of a python after it had consumed a 6 ft alligator.

And exploded.

I hope the photo editor enjoyed his breakfast because I most certainly did not enjoy mine.

Warning: I don't know how to refund time

This might be the most uninteresting post ever. In fact, you'll probably want your 3 minutes back when you're done reading it. I know I've been the laziest blogger ever so here's a recap of what's been going on here:

• We started school yesterday with Doc doing 1st grade and Obi Wanda doing preschool work. We took four weeks off this summer which is one week longer than I had planned, but it was the right amount of time because I feel refreshed and the kids were ready to get to work. I'm oddly excited about studying geography with the kids this year - I'm hoping it will improve my sense of direction.

• I decided to quit typing my daughter's name as Obi Wan-da and start referring to her as Obi Wanda. That hyphen has been bugging me for about a year, but once I commit to something I have a hard time letting go - even when it's a dumb decision. God's been showing me that He wants me to cut bait on some of the dumb decisions in my life so the hyphen is the symbolic shot across the bow. Pretty dramatic, right?

• I went to the eye doctor last month and picked out new frames for the first time in 9 years. The ones I selected were kind of funky/trendy and I picked them out by myself so I spent the two weeks I waited for them worrying that I would look like Elton John in the "I'm Still Standing" video. Turns out they are pretty cool so I might end up wearing them more than I wear my contacts.

• I just went to YouTube to upload the "I'm Still Standing" video and, uh, I must not have been very observant in the 80's. I'm not posting the video.

• PB and I took the kids to see "Up" this summer and they totally freaked out over the dogs chasing Mr. Fredricksen and Russell so we left before the movie was over. We had to go back on a date night and finish it - I think I'll probably cry the next time I see a bunch of balloons.

• We're so loving SYTYCD this season and I just don't know who my favorite is. Ade had an amazing solo last week so he may ultimately be the one I'm rooting for.

• Hey, do you want to see a picture of my super cool, now I have to hang out at Starbucks glasses? Here's a picture on my sister's photo blog... scroll down because for some reason EC was more interested in the kids enjoying VBS than my glasses.

• Did you know that when you slip and fall on a lego you can get a lego imprint in your chin? Did you know that imprint can last for a couple of days? It can.

• I missed my one year blogging anniversary on May 24. It would have been a great excuse to make cupcakes.

And that's what's been happening in the treehouse.

Thank You List Saturday - Happy 4th!

Tomorrow morning I will go to church with my Bible to worship Jesus and I can do it without fear because I live in the United States of America.

We have brothers and sisters around the world meeting in basement churches in the middle of the night reading Bibles smuggled in from foreign lands. These are the ones who risk prison and death to give their lives to Christ.

Today I thank God for the blessing of the freedom I so often take for granted.

Happy Independence Day!

That lingering scent is Eau de Lysol

I'm finally putting away the jell-o and saltines since the stomach virus is finally out of our house.

I can't say that I'm thankful we had a week of stomach cooties, but I have to say the forced mental break was a very good thing. Last week my brain was on overdrive getting ready for the new school year, but it's kind of hard to have a coherent thought when you're washing puke out of your daughter's hair in the middle of the night. I needed to turn my brain off and since I wouldn't do it myself it was turned off for me.

This year we're using Tapestry of Grace to study all things history and literature. TOG takes the timeline approach to history and this year we'll be studying the time period from the fall of Rome until 1600. This means knights, castles, Robin Hood, explorers... the sorts of things that are right up my 6-year-old son's alley.

The thing about TOG is that there is a ton of detail in the curriculum from history core to history in-depth to literature to geography to church history to fine arts. It's A LOT, but to be fair they warn you ahead of time that the curriculum appears overwhelming at first. They say over and over again that the key to success is to pick and choose and not do everything. The same message is repeated all over the TOG message boards. And I nodded my head every time I read those warnings because, of course, you can't do it all.

But until Monday I had every intention of doing it all.

Because I'm crazy.

And I'm afflicted with an all or nothing attitude.

Since the state would frown on nothing, that left me with all. But then on Monday night I sat down and read a warning from the author of the curriculum and there was something about this particular warning that penetrated my thick scull.

The result is that rather than starting school next week we will take one more week off. Next week I'm going to take a serious look at my lesson plans and simplify things.

I'm certain that my sanity depends on it.

Dear Stomach Bug,

Get out of my house.  Get out now.

You showed up uninvited Thursday night, ruined our plans for Friday and have otherwise wrecked havoc in our home ever since.  I'm tired of dry skin from repeated hand washing and sick of endless loads of laundry.  Also, could you please stop making your presence known in the middle of the night?  Sleep deprivation is not at all helpful in this kind of situation.

Food would be excellent solace during this time of stress, but oh yeah, you've ruined my appetite. I do, however, grudginly thank you for the couple of pounds you've trimmed from my waistline.  It's the least you could do.  

Now get out.

P.S.  I know I've been lobbying for a new couch, but I really don't need your help making my case.  Nice try.